On this Star Wars day (May the fourth be with you!) I am sitting
in my last ever college class giving a test.
The test is online and will be graded automatically – things have
changed a smidgeon since 1983 when paper tests were duplicated on a mimeograph machine. I know you are going to feel sorry for me,
but I do have to grade the essay questions on the test each individually. For my last essay on my last test I decided
to ask this question: “What is your life goal? What do you want to
accomplish in 5 years, 20 years, 40 years, and 60 years?”
Well over half of the 19 to 20-year-old students in my first
hour class (I asked the same essay question) responded that their goal was to
be happy. They went on to enumerate a
surprisingly similar list of achievements they intended to pursue in the
ensuing years, believing that these achievements would equal happiness. I am sad to say that the data would
contradict this belief.
The list of achievements they set as goals included: getting
a job and making lots of money, big house, nice car, travel, and paying off
student loans. My life and the research
suggest these things are not likely to produce happiness. This is what I gave as feedback to my
students:
Have you ever thought about “heat”? It cannot be made or created as a primary
product. If you rub two sticks together
very fast the ‘friction” creates heat (or so I have been told). When you park your car with the windows up in
Texas in July, the light from the sun will create heat (and a lot of it) inside
your car. (FYI: light can travel through
the glass with little resistance but the radiant heat created on the surface of
the car interior is mostly reflected by the glass into the car and thus the
temperature climbs to a bazillion degrees.)
The point is that if you want heat you have to start with some other
event or activity.
The same is true of “happiness”. Happiness is also a byproduct of some other event
or activity. The unfortunate point of
this is that if you set “happiness” or “being happy” as your goal in life you
are very likely to not achieve it. A
better strategy is to set goals that have the byproduct of making you happy. The good news is that we do not have to guess
at what that might be. David Meyers, a
psychologist researcher has done a lot of work in understanding what activities
lead to happiness.
· Close, supportive
relationships.
We humans have what today’s social psychologists call a deep “need to belong.” Those supported by intimate friendships or a committed marriage are much likelier to declare themselves “very happy.”
We humans have what today’s social psychologists call a deep “need to belong.” Those supported by intimate friendships or a committed marriage are much likelier to declare themselves “very happy.”
· Faith communities.
Connection, meaning, and deep hope are often nourished in congregations. In National Opinion Research Center surveys of 42,000 Americans since 1972, 26 percent of those rarely or never attending religious services declared themselves very happy, as did 47 percent of those attending multiple times weekly.
Connection, meaning, and deep hope are often nourished in congregations. In National Opinion Research Center surveys of 42,000 Americans since 1972, 26 percent of those rarely or never attending religious services declared themselves very happy, as did 47 percent of those attending multiple times weekly.
· Positive traits.
Optimism, self-esteem, and perceived control over one’s life are among the traits that mark happy experiences and happy lives. Happy people typically report feeling an “internal locus of control”—they feel empowered. When deprived of control over one’s life—an experience studied in prisoners, nursing home patients, and people living under totalitarian regimes—people suffer lower morale and worse health. Severe poverty demoralizes when it erodes people’s sense of control over their life circumstances.
Optimism, self-esteem, and perceived control over one’s life are among the traits that mark happy experiences and happy lives. Happy people typically report feeling an “internal locus of control”—they feel empowered. When deprived of control over one’s life—an experience studied in prisoners, nursing home patients, and people living under totalitarian regimes—people suffer lower morale and worse health. Severe poverty demoralizes when it erodes people’s sense of control over their life circumstances.
· Flow.
Work and leisure experiences that engage one’s skills also enable the good life. Between the anxiety of being overwhelmed and stressed, and the apathy of being underwhelmed and bored, lies a zone in which people experience flow—an optimal state in which, absorbed in an activity, they lose consciousness of self and time. Flow theorist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi found people reporting their greatest enjoyment not when mindlessly passive, but when unself-consciously absorbed in a mindful challenge. Most people are happier gardening than power-boating, talking to friends than watching TV. Low consumption recreations prove satisfying.
Work and leisure experiences that engage one’s skills also enable the good life. Between the anxiety of being overwhelmed and stressed, and the apathy of being underwhelmed and bored, lies a zone in which people experience flow—an optimal state in which, absorbed in an activity, they lose consciousness of self and time. Flow theorist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi found people reporting their greatest enjoyment not when mindlessly passive, but when unself-consciously absorbed in a mindful challenge. Most people are happier gardening than power-boating, talking to friends than watching TV. Low consumption recreations prove satisfying.
So, friends, if happiness is your
goal change your goals to things that will produce happiness.
I pray for you a life of meaning
and joy!
Romans 14:17 New
International Version (NIV)
17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating
and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,
Ray Owens
Dear readers of this blog, I commend to you the same
strategy. Not worrying is cool but it
is not going to make you happy.
To be happy:
1.
Make friends.
To do that be a friend.
2.
Find a community of faith and immerse yourself
(I commend to you a faith in the Lord Jesus Christ).
3.
Change your thought process. Be positive.
Thought is a behavior. Behaviors
have to be learned and practiced before you can make them a part of your life.
Stop consuming negativity. Find friends
to hang out with that are not negative.
4.
Find meaningful work. If your job can provide that for you, you are
blessed. If not, seek a new job or find
your meaning in another part of your life.
Ray
